I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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