Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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