i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm getting married
To pizza
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
