Please, let me fuck your mom
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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