and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
