whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
