How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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