I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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