DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
