wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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