the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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