STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
