I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
