i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
