elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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