try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
