I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I deserve to be covered in dicks
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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