are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
