so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Girls should come with a carfax report
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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