think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
