today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
