i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize