I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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