Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
