They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
