After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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