Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
