Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
