Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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