Can Purell be used as lube?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
