the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
