so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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