1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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