maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
