if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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