Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
