we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
