Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize