we have officially lost it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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