no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
