shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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