people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
