Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
