My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
