He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize