when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
