im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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