Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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