everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
