Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
