We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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