I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
