I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize