i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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