Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize