and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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