I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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