It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
