I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
