So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
