Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
