We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
