it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
