He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
