Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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