I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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