I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
