five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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