I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
